Choose Kindness, Even When It’s Hard
by Associate Katie Pfiffner
What we practice grows stronger. This statement seems so obvious that it’s easy to forget just how true it is.
When we are learning new skills, we know that if we want to improve, we have to practice, whether it is music, athletics, art, a new language, or Zoom. We know that the repetition, the practice, deepens the neuronal pathways in our brains, creating muscle memory and strengthening our ability to perform the skill.
It’s easily apparent that external skills like learning to play the piano improve with practice. But what about our internal patterns and habits, like our thoughts or emotional reactions?
I have a sign on my office door of one of my favorite quotes from His Holiness the Dalai Lama. It says, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
It serves as a daily reminder for me that I always have a choice about what I practice. For example, am I practicing compassion or judgment in my reactions and responses? Do I practice and therefore strengthen the neuronal pathway for kindness or criticism in my interactions with others?
What are the things I practice internally, in my mind and heart?
Do I consciously practice kindness, compassion, and forgiveness? Or do I practice blame, judgment of self and others, criticism, self-doubt?
Perhaps the bigger wondering is whether or not I am aware I have a choice about what I practice.
The practice of mindfulness—choosing to pay attention to the present moment, as it is—helps us become aware of what we are strengthening. In every waking moment our thoughts influence our actions. Awareness of the internal dialogue happening in the mind (all of the time) helps to bring intentionality to what we are practicing internally.
How do we become attentive to our continual internal dialogue? We pause, for one breath or for 20 minutes, and tune into the present moment as it is. We notice our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. We consider how they influence our perceptions of our experience and therefore how we respond or react to that experience.
With even the slightest pause, we can become aware that we have a choice—to strengthen a sense of separateness through judgment or criticism, or to reinforce our oneness through kindness.
The Dalai Lama’s quote encompasses all of our relationships—with self, others, and all of creation. Choosing kindness, however, is not always easy. It can require boldness and humility, strength and tenderness.
Every act of kindness deepens our interconnectedness. In her song, “Lean in Toward the Light,[i]” singer/songwriter Carrie Newcomer says, “Every kindness, large or slight, shifts the balance toward the Light.”
May we always choose to practice kindness, strengthening and reflecting the Light that surrounds and abides within us.
[i] Carrie Newcomer, The Beautiful Not Yet, 2016
About the author: Katie Pfiffner is a spiritual care minister for the Sisters of Charity, BVM in Dubuque, Iowa. She meets with sisters for mindfulness meditation, Omega discussion groups (based on the work of Sister Ilia Delio, OSF), Praying into the Moment with chair yoga and breath practices, and other activities.